Brad GaylardZen for Men: An Introduction
April 29th 2008 00:09
Okay, so I lied. This blog isn’t technically about Zen for men. Zen literally refers to a thousand-year old branch of Mahayana Buddhism, practised by bald guys in robes sitting on mountaintops and being really, really self-conscious. Let’s face it though, this is the 21st century, and robes really aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. Personally, I prefer jeans, a vintage tee and trainers. Oh, and hair. I’m quite attached to my hair.
To be quite frank with you, I just needed a catchy title for my blog, and Zen for Men is a helluva lot better than How To Live a Spiritual Life Without Sailing Through the Cosmos with a Crystal up Your Ass. So, if it’s real Zen Buddhism you’re after, then I apologise, but apparently K-Mart has a sale on robes at the moment, so there’s one piece of luck for you.
Okay, we’ve established that this isn’t going to be about authentic, robe-wearing, mountain-dwelling, lotus-sitting, mantra-chanting Zen Buddhists. So, what it is it about then?
These days, spirituality is a major growth industry all around the world*. It covers a variety of areas, including such categories as astrology, healing, mysticism, crystals, metaphysics, numerology, tarot, philosophy, feng shui, and countless other disciplines that are swallowed whole by seekers more voraciously than Elvis with a bucket of meatloaf. One problem with this is that there is a perception amongst cynics that, in order to embrace spirituality, one must be a dope-smoking, vegan hippy with your head in the clouds and an aversion to soap. I know this is a pretty gross generalisation, and fails to acknowledge the millions of sweet-natured and well-adjusted individuals on the path to spiritual growth, but it is a perception that remains nonetheless. In fact, this very perception has led to a backlash among the mainstream against such rampant and unabashed hippyism, and has kept it successfully marginalised since 100,000 mung bean-flavoured farts polluted the Haight-Ashbury during the summer of ’67.
Well done, hippies!
Gentlemen, I’m here to tell you that it’s time to take spirituality by the balls and give it a good, hard shake. You don’t need to be a hippy to lead a spiritual life. You don’t need to be religious. You don’t need to believe in spirit guides, guardian angels or the Flying Spaghetti Monster. You don’t need to consult the stars before you take a shit. You don’t need to burn incense and meditate with your knees touching your shoulder blades - a position, I’m told, which requires double-jointed testicles**. Heck, it doesn’t matter what spiritual paradigm you believe in, if any. You can be a complete atheist and still live a spiritual life without once compromising your deity-free principles. All that matters is how you act.
This blog is all about applied spirituality; that place where spiritual practice intercepts the point of action. And just to make it more palatable to the average guy in the street, I’m going to couch the whole thing in political incorrectness. This is a spiritual guide for regular guys like you and me; who like to drink the occasional beer, eat the occasional dead animal, admire the occasional lady, and spank the occasional monkey.
Now, the card-carrying spiritual purists will probably hate what I have to say. It’s going to be rife with all the shit that so-called enlightened people avoid, just like they avoid showers: generalisations, profanity, judgemental comments, and humour.
And that’s kinda the point. And let’s face it; if you’re above such behaviour, then you probably don’t need to read this shit anyway.
Peace Out.
* Just behind environmental sustainability, stem-cell research and internet porn.
** Or, indeed, a complete absence of testicles.
To be quite frank with you, I just needed a catchy title for my blog, and Zen for Men is a helluva lot better than How To Live a Spiritual Life Without Sailing Through the Cosmos with a Crystal up Your Ass. So, if it’s real Zen Buddhism you’re after, then I apologise, but apparently K-Mart has a sale on robes at the moment, so there’s one piece of luck for you.
Okay, we’ve established that this isn’t going to be about authentic, robe-wearing, mountain-dwelling, lotus-sitting, mantra-chanting Zen Buddhists. So, what it is it about then?
These days, spirituality is a major growth industry all around the world*. It covers a variety of areas, including such categories as astrology, healing, mysticism, crystals, metaphysics, numerology, tarot, philosophy, feng shui, and countless other disciplines that are swallowed whole by seekers more voraciously than Elvis with a bucket of meatloaf. One problem with this is that there is a perception amongst cynics that, in order to embrace spirituality, one must be a dope-smoking, vegan hippy with your head in the clouds and an aversion to soap. I know this is a pretty gross generalisation, and fails to acknowledge the millions of sweet-natured and well-adjusted individuals on the path to spiritual growth, but it is a perception that remains nonetheless. In fact, this very perception has led to a backlash among the mainstream against such rampant and unabashed hippyism, and has kept it successfully marginalised since 100,000 mung bean-flavoured farts polluted the Haight-Ashbury during the summer of ’67.
Well done, hippies!
Gentlemen, I’m here to tell you that it’s time to take spirituality by the balls and give it a good, hard shake. You don’t need to be a hippy to lead a spiritual life. You don’t need to be religious. You don’t need to believe in spirit guides, guardian angels or the Flying Spaghetti Monster. You don’t need to consult the stars before you take a shit. You don’t need to burn incense and meditate with your knees touching your shoulder blades - a position, I’m told, which requires double-jointed testicles**. Heck, it doesn’t matter what spiritual paradigm you believe in, if any. You can be a complete atheist and still live a spiritual life without once compromising your deity-free principles. All that matters is how you act.
This blog is all about applied spirituality; that place where spiritual practice intercepts the point of action. And just to make it more palatable to the average guy in the street, I’m going to couch the whole thing in political incorrectness. This is a spiritual guide for regular guys like you and me; who like to drink the occasional beer, eat the occasional dead animal, admire the occasional lady, and spank the occasional monkey.
Now, the card-carrying spiritual purists will probably hate what I have to say. It’s going to be rife with all the shit that so-called enlightened people avoid, just like they avoid showers: generalisations, profanity, judgemental comments, and humour.
And that’s kinda the point. And let’s face it; if you’re above such behaviour, then you probably don’t need to read this shit anyway.
Peace Out.
* Just behind environmental sustainability, stem-cell research and internet porn.
** Or, indeed, a complete absence of testicles.
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